these blogs of these girls glorifying eating disorders. And I am absolutely disgusted. An eating disorder is a sick and horrifying disease. Your whole body and mind becomes rapped around unrealistic and unhealthy expectations and it becomes impossible to function normal. Every once and a while I will talk to people about my struggles I had went thru with bulimia but it’s definitely not an easy thing to talk about. I like to talk to my friends who suffered addictions, in hopes that I can kind of compare my struggles with theirs. It was the day after my 15th birthday. I had come home from a day at an amusement park and I had felt very sick. I had figured it was from all the food I had eaten all day. I had felt fat and unhappy at this point. I’d always been in the middle of the scale. Never thin, never thick, just right in the middle of nowhere and somewhere I thought I could accomplish. That night I had decided if I made myself throw up, maybe I would feel better, a sense of relief or something. From that day forth, it didn’t stop. And I had soon found it was very simply to hide. I wouldn’t eat all day and then get home from school, eat as much as humanly possible and then purge it all up. Satisfying any cravings or hunger I had mentally. Only once had my family possible caught on to the sick disease I had acquired. The pounds dropped fast and I had felt such a sense of relief, little did I know my body was being destroyed on the inside. I started feeling sick quickly, I was suffering from chronic sore throats from the stomach acid, my teeth were sore, my tongue was sore with white bumps all over the back of it. My stomach had gotten so warped when I ate all the food would collect at the top and bulge out making me feel so uncomfortable. I had frequent sharp chest pains, and my hair was falling out from the lack on nutrition. As well as the fact I had no energy because I was so anemic. On top of the fact I was purge I am also a vegetarian so I wasn’t getting and protein or iron. It had been 2 years. I was a size 3 but I was feeling so sick and so ashamed at the person I had become, I couldn’t look for help. I thought about asking a few times, but my family was never the supportive type. I had found myself trapped in the disease with no hope of getting out. But soon I decided I needed to make a change, for myself. I had tried to eat normally after that, and with the normal eating the weight started to show back up. I would frequently revert back to my ways because you never truly recover from an eating disorder. Soon after that I got pregnant with my son. I had no doubt that I would not let my eating disorder get in the way of my pregnancy. So I went forth, eating unhealthy like I did most of the time. It was horrifying to see how much weight I had gained from being pregnant, even though it was healthy. The sufferers’ thoughts never leave the damaged brain. After I had my son, which I had gained about 50 lbs. with the pregnancy, it was so hard to get back on track with my body. I was still eating unhealthy and I needed to change. A few months shy of a year after I had started up again, desperate for change. This time I was drinking mostly coffee, bingeing anything I ate and running 6 miles a day. I had lost about 20 lbs. in less then a month. I had started to feel really good with myself mentally, but exhausted physically, so I was bingeing less. I gained back a few pounds. Four years after, now, today. I finally feel somewhat recovered. I did it by myself. I finally realized the importance eating healthy and exercise. I cannot say I haven’t done it since, because I have. But for once I finally feel in control of my disease. It is a constant battle, something I would never wish upon anyone, something that I would never glorify or be proud of. Something girls need to be aware of and realize it’s not a glamorous, beautiful thing. It’s not something to be taught, or praised. It’s a mind controlling disease and people that have it need to seek help. So here is my message to those girls suffering and those celebrating the life-threating disease. Stop, seek help. Confide in others that you trust and don’t let it ruin or even take life. I’m sure there are worse stories out there, people that suffer for years and years and are too afraid to speak up. That’s why I write pieces like this to tell people. There is hope. Don’t forget you were put on this earth in a shape and size different from anyone else. One of a kind. Glorify that.
